Man Resolves To Read The Wikipedia Tabs He Already Has Open Before Starting New Ones

Onion headlines are even funnier when it references something I do myself ...

HILLSBORO, TX—Stopping mid-click and forcing himself to finish the entry for Motown, local man Keith Hayes resolved on Friday to get through the six Wikipedia tabs he already had open in his browser before starting any new ones. “No, no, no. I can’t just keep firing up new tabs whenever something in the text seems interesting,” said Hayes, adding that the entry for The Funk Brothers would have to wait until he’d completed those for Agent Orange, Jim Thorpe, Pseudoscience, Machu Picchu, and The Gemini Program first. “I need to get it together and have some discipline. It’s already crowded up there. One or two more tabs, and I won’t even be able to see what’s what anymore.” At press time, Hayes had clicked a link under References and was sucked into an entirely new website.