Horniculture: Ways to maintain your sanity

Got this from my mother several weeks ago. It'll brighten your day too ...

At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN."
Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to expresso.
In the memo field of all you checks, write "For smuggling Diamonds," "Sexual Favors," "Bribe Payoff," Drug Purchase," etc...
Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."
dont use any punctuation in your emails ever
As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
Whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face, order a diet water.
When going through the drive-through, specify that your order is "To Go."
Sing along at the opera.
Go to a poetry recital and ask "Why don't your poems rhyme?"
Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds through your computer speakers all day.
Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend the party they're throwing because you're not in the mood.
Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Bottom.
When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I won! I won!"
When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives! They're loose!"
Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."

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