Cleaning out some good Onion reads from the last few weeks ...
NEW YORK—A major contest between two high-quality teams in a major sport is scheduled to take place in the immediate future, multiple media...
MIAMI—Former MLB star and admitted steroid user Jose Canseco extended an informal invitation Monday to over 500 current and former professional baseball players, requesting their presence at his house this coming weekend for his annual...
WASHINGTON—Amid allegations that his thoughtless and insensitive decisions have damaged his relationship with the nation, President George W. Bush vowed Monday that he would, starting now, "make everything better."
RICHMOND, VA—Customers were assured they would get a pretty good deal on a brand-name mattress. Not an out-of-this-world, unheard-of deal. But pretty good.
NEW YORK—Weeks after their 2008 swimsuit issue hit newsstands, Sports Illustrated continues to be deluged with mail from appreciative...
FOXBOROUGH, MA—As the once-invincible, still-insufferable Patriots attempt to come to grips with their 17-14 Super Bowl loss to the Giants, the death of their dream to go undefeated, and the possible end of their dynasty, almost every other...
NEW YORK— As evidenced by the hundreds of newspaper clippings of various presidential candidates glued to his bedroom walls and ceiling, Vietnam veteran Dale Patrick Seaver, 52, is clearly an informed voter. But after watching over 50 debates, countless speeches, and nonstop campaign coverage at "all hours of the night," this presidential assassin has not yet decided who his choice will be in November...
No comments:
Post a Comment