Onion reads

These Onion reads are dedicated to Matt ...

Lovable Prankster Pedro Martinez Admits He Was Never Really Hurt

NEW YORK—Following another impressive start Monday, enigmatic but lovable Mets clubhouse joker Pedro Martinez informed reporters that he was...

Michigan Drops To Division III In Polls Following Second Loss

ANN ARBOR, MI—Coaches and players reacted philosophically Tuesday to the news that Michigan, which fell out of the USA Today polls'...